Quite often, there isn't much a couple can't overcome if both parties are willing to work toward a resolution. Which generally means that both parties must admit to being at least partially at fault, and that's tough. But being in a relationship means that you have to put away your pride when you're in private. Pride goeth before a fall, as they say, and you will find yourself, alone, at the bottom of a very nasty one, should you be unable to set aside your ego for the sake of resolving an issue with your partner.
Now that your pride is fully out of the way, it should be smooth sailing, right? If you just admit you're wrong all the time, life will be peachy? Wrong. Next after putting your pride on a shelf where it belongs is communication. If you don't talk about the issues, about your feelings (eep!), about your fears (double eep!), how can anything get resolved? Answer: it can't. Communication, honest communication, is the only way to get the issues out on the table for the other to see. It's very difficult for your partner to fix a problem if you can't tell them what the problem is. And if you could also work into the conversation how you feel the problem might best be solved, and your partner does the same, all the better for a speedy resolution.
Lastly, you will need understanding. Understanding where your partner is coming from is key. Try and see things from their point of view and let them know that you understand how the situation has effected them. Then tell them your side, and let them try and understand it from your point of view. Every collision has two vantage points, and you will need to truly understand both before you can be capable of coming to a resolution that makes you both happy, as well as, hopefully, avoiding this particular crash in the future.
A huge part of understanding is allowing the other person to speak their mind without getting hurt and defensive about what they're saying. You're not truly listening or trying to see it from their point of view if all you can see is how what they're saying is making you feel. You have a right to feel hurt about it, and even to express that hurt. But being hurt about the fact that you've hurt them and they're telling you about it won't help the situation. The truth hurts. And it hurts even more coming from the one you love. But if they're coming to you with a problem, try and put their feelings first and resolve that before you launch off into your own world of hurt.
Speaking of hurt, some things really are better left unsaid. If you're wishing to tell someone something just to ease your own conscience or out of revenge, or even out of blind hatred, it's better not to open your mouth. But keeping things in that are truly upsetting you won't help anyone either. And the longer you go without letting it out, the more it will eat at you and the bigger the problem will become. Letting your partner know that you're feeling a bit more lonely lately since they've taken on that new project and they're spending more time at the office now, rather than post affair with the pool boy, is a very good idea. Because when the problem has just begun, there might actually be a possibility of fixing it. Or at least, you can get your feelings out there and have them heard, recognized and validated, which is sometimes all it takes. Though a little extra effort on the other party's part doesn't hurt, either. Point is, TALK ABOUT IT. If your partner can't do anything about it, at least you will have let them know there is an issue, and they can tell you how long they think it may continue so you can put on your big girl panties for a little longer and tough it out. If they won't do anything about it, well, at least you know now and can end it and go after the pool boy guilt-free ;)
If you've talked it all out, rationally, reasonably, calmly, compassionately, and you just can't get to the point where you're both happy with a compromise, you may have to simply agree to disagree. And while agreeing to disagree may work for a little while, bigger issues (marriage, children, religion, where you want to live), will eventually get the best of a relationship if there isn't some sort of solid, joint resolution. Talk to your partner. If you can't talk about the things that really matter, then why bother with the rest? Whether you talk about them or not, the issues are still there. At least with a conversation, you have hope of getting your relationship to the next level. And the next, and maybe even until death do you part ;) At the very least, you'll know whether that's even a possibility, and save you both a lot of time and future hurt if it's not.
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"The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place." - George Bernard Shaw
