... but sometimes, it must be done.
In the midst of the Holiday Season, sometimes it's even harder to imagine yourself alone. But is that really the best reason to stay with someone? In fact, should that play a factor at all? We all have our different ways of dealing with relationships, and not all of them are wrong. But when you're fighting for something, or more importantly, someone, that just doesn't want to fight for you, are you really doing what's best for either of you?
There is such a fine line between fighting a worthy fight, and fighting to hang onto something that's already let go of you. Someone told me once that the key to a long-lasting relationship is, never falling out of love with your partner at the same time. Which basically means, if only one of you is giving up at any given time, then you've always got one person hanging on and making it work. But is that really a healthy relationship? Maybe you're together for the rest of your lives, but are you happy about it? Doesn't seem likely. Especially if only one of you is actually in love with the other.
The idea behind the never-fall-out-of-love-at-the-same-time principle isn't terrible, but if you use it to stay in a relationship that has no shot because you've convinced yourself that your love is enough for the both of you, and it's just your turn to be in love, then you're headed down a long, wet river called Denial, straight for Heartbreak City. And you can tell yourself, tell your friends, tell your family that your particular circumstances with your particular sweetie are particularly different than everyone else's and they will just never understand the depth of the love you two truly have for each other, but bottom line is, if you're breaking up more than you're making up, and there are terms and rules and lines being drawn, it's time to face facts. Your Happily Ever After has just taken the exit ramp and you're still on the highway.
Love has the tendency to take on traits similar to that of addiction. All of a sudden, you can be addicted to the person you're with and you don't see any way that they are just not your true and perfect soulmate, and you certainly can't see how you could survive without them. Thing is, even if you believe in one perfect person for everyone, it seems a bit unreasonable that the Fates would decide to make that perfect person, make sure you ran into them in life, and then go and make it so they didn't feel the same way about you. And as difficult as it is to see reason when you're in the middle of an all out rose-colored battle, that doesn't make you any less wrong to stay in a relationship that simply was not meant to be.
Friends and family members may not know the intimate details of your "particular situation", but they do have the unquestionable advantage of not being ruled by emotion when they offer advice. A third party looking in may miss one or two intricate dimensions of your relationship, but they're non-biased and that's why they're generally right, while you're too close to it and emotional to be able to see the situation for what it really is: B-A-D bad. Those that have found True Love can tell you from experience that it isn't truly True unless it's mutual. If only one of you wants the relationship, it's not love. It's obsession. And obsession is unhealthy.
The point is, just because you think something, doesn't make it true. Further, just because you want something, doesn't make it happen. So while fighting for something is good, continuing to carry the flag for a war long over is a waste of time, energy, and love. And being angry with those who tell you to move on, rather than the person who is making that the next logical step (that being your so-called soulmate who just broke up with you for the bazillionth time), it's misplaced and irrational. There's a reason it's just not working out, and it's not because you didn't try hard enough.
Love like there is no tomorrow, but when tomorrow dawns and the love is gone, move on.
