Never Give Up Without a Fight

This is a lesson I learned at a very young age, that I am now going to share with you. With examples ;) My mother, bless her, made me talk to strangers all the time. And before you call child protective services, hear me out. If I needed ketchup for my fries, I had to go back up and ask for it. If someone didn't give me correct change, I had to go back and make a case for it, and get what was owed to me. If I had an issue with a professor at school, I had to go talk to someone about it. By. My. Self. My boyfriend is so proud of me, for how I've handled sticky situations where people are trying to cheat me. He's not that type. He's super easy-going, and willing to just go with the flow, even if the flow is taking him in a direction he may not want to go. I'm not that way ;) I've gotten more aggressive, and more determined to go after people, if they're trying to pull one over on me (or him), in my old age ;) But he keeps me calm, and I make sure we don't get screwed over ;)

So here's the story, in a rather long-winded narration:

For the past year, I have been fighting with the new management company of my apartment complex. Only for the sake of my own privacy, will I refrain from disclosing the complex's name, but I will tell you that Weidner Apartment Homes is the company that recently took over. So far as I have come into contact with them, they are terrible. While my reasoning behind this particular blog lies beyond me lining out their plethora of wrongs, I will run quickly through a smattering of those wrongs, to give you an idea of the crap they've been pulling over the last year, and why it came to a head when I went to (begrudgingly) resign my lease:

• Raised my rent, and changed how they charged for utilities so that my rent went up in two different, and one unpredictable way(s)
• Ripped apart the fitness center to install themselves a new, fancy office (when there was nothing wrong with the old one), and still, after over a year, have not replaced the fitness center as a useful feature (2 treadmills and an elliptical machine, open during their office hours only, do not a fitness center make)
• Set up a new website for online rent payments, touting an "automatic" payment option, that was, in fact, not automatic at all, and caused them to decide I was delinquent in my rent and to tell me they were going to send my case to their attorney, if I did not give them a cashier's check on the spot (I fought that one, too, and won. Jerks.)
• Regularly pulls apart the stairways to the upper floors of the buildings (there is no elevator) so that reaching said levels is inconvenient at best, treacherous at worst (I am fortunate that I live on the top floor which is reachable from both sides of the building, courtesy of a breezeway; the folks living on the 2nd floor are not so fortunate)
• Decided that the entire parking lot, which is already exceptionally cramped with regular, everyday use, needed to be resealed, and so closed of huge sections of it over 3 days, forcing most folks to, speaking of inconvenient, park in the Kmart's overflow parking lot and walk home. Which, realistically speaking, is not that far. 3 or 4 blocks or so. But honestly?? That's absurd. And it did not need to be done
• Various other "improvement"-type expenditures which did not improve my quality of living one bit, and frankly, would have preferred they just take off my rent, for all that. Or replace my microwave, stove, or dishwasher, which I have no trouble believing are original to the building
• Other than that, I keep to myself. I don't speak unless spoken to, and yet, still, they feel the need to bother me with their corporate crap

*deep breath*

So that's the behind-the-scenes stuff, but the real basis of this blog entry is this: Always fight for what you want, for what you deserve, for what is right. And never give up on something you want or deserve or is right, without a fight. Because sometimes, sometimes you win. This just proves my point ;)

These new corporate lackeys have been hassling me to resign my lease with them for two months now. Two months early, I might add. They have left "You're special! Resign now for a super-duper discount!" flyers on my door twice now. Each time I read them, I got more disgusted by their lust for my money. The first time they left a notice, I was about to leave on vacation and the "deadline" for snatching up their super-duper deal, was going to occur during my vacation. So I called, scheduled an appointment for the day after I was set to return, and promptly forgot all about it until about an hour after my appointment, and about 15 minutes before the offices closed for the day. Oops. The second time, I ignored the notice completely. Because, let's face it. All they were telling me was, "We're going to raise your rent when you resign your lease! Ha ha! BUT! If you sign up extra early, we'll raise it less than we would have, had you waited until the last minute! Ha ha ha!" Ok, sure. Fine. I can dig it, a discount for early sign-up. Lots of places do that. Only, it's NOT a discount. They're going to rape me for my rent either way, but it's my choice, as to just how much they're going to rape me. Splendid.

So in addition to the other ridiculous "improvements" and "changes" they'd been making over the past year, this did not help to dilute my overall disgruntlement with them. But, since I just couldn't stomach packing up my life and paying another down-payment somewhere else that I couldn't really afford, and would have to move out of once my honey finishes school anyway, I eventually had to suck it up and schedule an appointment to discuss my lease with the leeches that own the place.

So my honey and I walk down to the leasing office (as the parking lots are all blocked off due to the resealing project that is supposed to make me oh-so-thrilled with their management skills), and the first thing the guy says to me, as he's flipping through my file is, "Ha ha! It just kills me, the discounts they were giving off these places before! Ha ha! Corporate doesn't do that stuff! Ha ha!" I wanted to punch him. But all I said was, "Well, I certainly appreciated it."

Next thing he does is tsk, tsk at me for not coming in when I got their notices about their "discounts" for early renewal. "Ha ha! Would have been much less if you'd come in then... Much less." I decided not to say anything to that one. I just gave him a look and let him continue to ha ha my situation. Because I wasn't in there to bend over, that's for sure.

Eventually we begin to discuss my rent. I pretty much went off on Mr. Ha Ha. I told him about how they'd raised my rent when I moved in, how my rent supposedly also covered all of the amenities the complex offered, and yet I'd been paying for a fitness center that I couldn't use, how my record shows late payments when it was, in fact, their website that was at fault, and how not one of their improvements had improved my quality of living one iota. He told me that rent was decided by several factors, one of them being "market value", which he later explained to me was, "what Corporate thinks they can get for the apartment". Well. I went off on that, too. Told him that Corporate doesn't have to live here, and the place is barely worth what I'm paying for it now, much less more, and just because you can take more from people, doesn't mean you should. He told me that my apartment's "market value" was rated at $95 more than I was currently paying for it. Per month. I told him I disagreed. And then, THEN he brought out the stupid guns.

This guy looks me in the face and says, "What I've been telling people is, they should submit an offer. If corporate thinks the apartment is worth $750, you should tell them you're willing to pay $730! Ha ha! They might even accept it! Ha ha! The worst that could happen is they counter back at $740, and that's still better than $750, ha ha!" I about lost it right there in his fancy office that smelled like new carpet and greed. I asked him, did it really seem rational that I should have to barter for my apartment?? Should it not just be the lowest possible price that Corporate can afford to rent it to me??? Am I even really having this conversation right now?!?! So I told him that I wasn't going to agree to pay any more than I was already paying. I told him that after everything else, after they'd already raised my rent once, I wasn't going to have someone tell me that the "market value" was what determined whether or not I'd be able to afford rent AND food for the next year.

He told me that he would write Corporate an email with my -offer- and he would get back to me. He called no more than 45 minutes later with a response from "Corporate". They accepted my offer.

Long story short: fight. Don't let people push you around, don't let people try and control you or put something past you, or take advantage of you. This goes for apartment complexes, utility companies, stores, corporations, friends, family, significant others. If someone is attempting to get away with something that isn't right, fight. Stay calm, stay rational, know your facts, and stick to your guns. If you don't get anywhere with the person you're talking to, ask for someone higher up. And higher up. Until you get someone who can right the wrong. You may not always win. You may end up exactly where you started. But then again, you may end up winning. And at the very least, you got some practice at it, and you'll be more likely to win the next time.

Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.

* Other victories include getting the boss an extra 10% off a commercial calendar order, due to a typo, today, and leaving a scathing survey review about Comcast (hey -- they called ME... I just answered their questions!), because their customer service absolutely SUCKS and my bill was too high and no one was willing to help me, a long-time customer. It's now $80/month for cable and internet, which is $100 less than I was paying. Sometimes, it really does pay to fight! ;)

Dreams Come True One Choice at a Time

It occurs to me, while I sit and ponder the various changes that I would like my life to make, that I should, in fact, try making those changes, rather than waiting for them to happen upon me, as I live the life I have actually chosen.

But change is hard. Incredibly, frighteningly, near impossibly hard. Especially the changes I am pondering. I am not pondering a change of hair style (well, that's not entirely true... I would love to have back the hair I so recently chopped off ;)); I'm not pondering whether I should get a mani or a pedi (I've also recently given myself both). The changes I am pondering come with far greater risk (and thus a far higher possibility of reward), and far more drastic a change.

And I am not alone in these ponderous ponderings. Some of those among us ponder for but a moment, before leaping head-first into the abyss of the unknown results. Others, like myself, stand teetering on the verge of uncertainty, hoping someone might just tip us in or pull us back, thus saving us from actually having to make the decision for ourselves. If it's someone else's fault, we can hardly be blamed for the outcome, should we fail, right? Then again, would it be our triumph should we succeed?

So, I teeter. And I sway. And I hope to goodness I don't accidentally fall in before I'm ready, knowing full well that no one is ever ready, and that I wait simply out of fear, rather than for lack of preparation.

Excuses are the devil's playground. I swear it makes him giggle every time we come up with an excuse for why we just cannot, under any circumstance, accomplish that certain goal. I am the queen of excuses. Does that make me the devil's mistress? Well, then so be it, because I'm full of 'em ;p "I'm too chubby to go to the gym." "I can't work and go to school at the same time, it's impossible! And I certainly can't go to school and NOT work, so there! I guess I just can't go back to school!" "I just can't afford to pack up my cats and my car (and my boyfriend, not to mention) and move to Italy. It's insane! And all of my friends and family are here. Somewhere. And what would I do about a job? And I don't know Italian. Also, I'm American. They'll all hate me."

Yep. That's right. I can't move to Italy because I'm an American. And far too out of shape to be seen at the gym. That's just the way it works, or didn't you know?

So, due to the unlimited number of excuses we can all come up with to not do something, we sit in the bathtub of never-changing, and rather murky, circumstances, hoping some day, someone comes along and yanks out the stopper. At which point, of course, we will wait until the water drains out completely, our rubber ducky sits dejectedly on its side in the leftover froth of bubble bath, and our pruney bodies start to shiver slightly, before we will actually shout, "Alright! Fine! I'll get out of the tub already!" to whomever might still be listening. It will take that much just to get us out of the tub... So imagine how much it will take for us to go back to school? Or move to our dream destination? Or pack up our life, just to simply shift it to a slightly different location?

But without these choices, without these forced plug-pullings, we rarely make such dramatic changes in our lives. And I could ask someone to pull the plug already, and allow this stagnant water to drain away so I can get out of the tub, but which tub am I hoping to get out of? Which one am I hoping to then be moved to???

Maybe I'll get brave and pull it myself, one of these days ;) And if any of my oh-so-faithful followers need a nudge, I'll be happy to give you that much-needed push toward completing your goals, rather than edge toward my own scary destinations ;D

Failure is just another word for "lesson".

To retire or not to retire...

I was asked today what my thoughts on retirement are. As someone who feels no more capable at living in the world than a teenager that turned 30 overnight, this, is a tough one. Of course, I have my opinions, I'm a terribly opinionated person. But how right could I be? What is the real question here?

So, firstly, let me touch on finances. This one is the zinger, yes? Because I'm fairly certain that if one could retire and suddenly nothing cost you anything at all, what a wonderful world this would be. But that isn't the case. Most people who are of the retirement age, and thinking about retiring soon, lost a lot of their retirement savings when the economy tanked. Maybe it was in stocks, maybe it was in their 401K, maybe their rutabaga crop just didn't fetch as much green as they'd hoped, and now they're only barely ahead of the curve. So people are working longer. Putting off their retirement, and knowing that even after they retire, they are still going to be working to make the bills.

So what is the answer for that? Everybody keeps telling me that money doesn't grow on trees, so where do you get it? Do you finally go through the mind-numbing, hair-pulling process of obtaining a patent for that million-dollar idea you had once? Do you pile together what's left of your savings, work yourself out a scraping-by budget, and hope to god your random smattering of hobbies can be turned into cash? Or do you figure you won't be around long enough to care about your credit card debt, and just buy your own island in Fiji and say, "To hell with it! I'm retired!"...? In this day and age, it's really difficult to be responsible AND still have a life.

When it comes down to it, it seems like maybe you'll be happier being retired, than being in the mad 9-5 rush and crush, but I am not sure it will be any less work. It seems to me it will actually turn out to being more. But is there a solution?

A budget sounds like the best start. How far will your savings actually get you, if you stick to your revamped budget? How much do you need to come up with a month, to continue living this way? Which of your amazing and varied talents will you need to extort in order to fill in the cracks?

I think, though, that even if you are short on cash, you should really consider budgeting into your meager allowance, doing something that you have been dreaming of doing for a while. You've earned it!

Other than that, I'm out of brilliant advice for you retirees. I have no pyramid schemes to talk you into, nor have been secretly stock-piling my lottery winnings, just in case. I wish I had. The only thing I can do now, is hope I can manage to save up for my OWN retirement. I'm halfway there... Wish me luck ;)

See a penny, pick it up. You might just have to retire on it ;)

Bad Boyfriends (and Girlfriends)

I think that the first issue I would like to address, officially, is Bad Boyfriends/Girlfriends. Now, they come in all different shapes and sizes, with different "super powers," if you will, but they're all basically the same -- they make you feel like crap on a regular, if not consistent basis.

You may have difficulty identifying these award-winning arse-holes at first, but here are a few key things to look out for:

• They say one thing, but do another (and vice versa)
• They say "I love you" regularly, but act like they hate you
• They talk to their exes or others in a borderline (or blatantly overt!!) romantic, loving or sexual way
• They only manage to compliment you right before they ask you for sex
• They are physically violent toward you or others when they are angry
• They seem to find fault with most everything you do
• They say more negative than positive things to you
• They "stay late at work" a lot, when you're quite certain they're not that busy
• They always make time for their friends, but it's like pulling teeth to get them to spend one night with you
• They're only willing to do things THEY want to do, and throw a fit whenever they have to do something YOU want to do
• They're extra jealous for no apparent reason (it's called projection, folks... if they're doing it, they assume YOU'RE doing it) (it could also mean that they've been with a cheater in the past, but it's a little less likely, especially if you've checked off several other Warning Signs on this list)
• They throw a fit if you ask them to do something for you
• (if applicable) They can't find time for their own children
• And lastly, if you feel good about yourself until they're around, you're probably with a bad match.

Now. I'd say that there are some things on this list that if they're doing JUST THAT THING, you are in a bad place and should really consider getting out. The "violent temper" or "converses romantically with exes", for example. The others can likely be worked on, if you're noticing a pattern with only one or two of these issues. If, however, you checked off 4 or more of these, I am sad to say that you are most likely not in a healthy relationship. There are things that can help the situation, but bottom line, unless you find yourself matching up with this list, there isn't much to be done because all the advice in the world isn't going to make them a better person. You can drag a horse to the therapist, but you can't make them listen ;)

Also, don't immediately freak out if you're seeing those things in your mate. There may be other explanations for these traits. More than likely, they're pretty much jerks, but don't haul off and accuse them of being a cheater just because they had to stay late at work last night ;) On the same note, if they're throwing fits because you wanted to something other than, say, sit there and watch them play video games, it's possible that they're like me, and new things positively scare the ever-loving crud out of them. So pay attention, be open to the answers you get when you start trying to determine what's really up, and be logical about what you find. Maybe they really are just selfish jerks who can take, but cannot give. But maybe they love you, they're just scared to death of trying anything new, that they may fail at, and ultimately disappoint you by not doing well.

All of that being said, no good relationship is a one-way street. Sometimes how we act sets up the other to fail. Love must flow freely from both sides, or there isn't going to be enough to go around. Another key factor that I have insisted upon, is honesty.

There are a lot of different parts to creating an open, honest relationship:

• Truthfulness in everything we say and do, even if we think we can get away with something
• Offering up the truth, even if it isn't specifically requested
• Openness and communication, regardless of the predicted reaction or result
• Mastering expressing the truth in a loving, caring manner so that the listener doesn't shut down
• Mastering controlled, reasonable reactions to the truth when told it, so that the teller doesn't shut down

If you find you are having difficulty telling someone the truth, try and determine the reason:

• Are you feeling guilty about what you've done? Maybe try avoiding doing it in the first place
• Are you afraid of their reaction? Again, maybe shouldn't do/have done it, but should probably be best to be honest about it anyway

But back to bad relationship partners. This is a wide and varied situation, so this is pretty blanket. But the very bottomest bottom line is, if you're unhappy, there is the possibility that it may be you. You may have a really hard time being in a relationship, or with being happy (I am one of those people -- I default to pissed off). But if you have really taken a good hard look at yourself, and you don't feel it's you, and you can't find any real indication that it's you, then it's them. And unfortunately, people don't change. Not really. If they do, they'll only do it for themselves, not for you. Habits aren't just for brushing your teeth or dance steps. They get formed between two people in a relationship and they are DAMNED hard to break once you get in them.  And sometimes, people just bring out the absolute worst in each other. Doesn't mean that either one of you is a terrible person, just means you aren't as well matched as you had hoped.



The first step toward being in a better "us" is being a better "u".
Love yourself, then love others. And repeat.

... and it all started with a big bang, BANG!

So other than posting random things on myspace, this is really my very first stab at blogging. I had the idea in my head that I would like to try and help more people with my silly advice, than I can with the limited amount of social engagement that I generally... engage in. So, friends, this blog is for you. Call it another Dear Abby, if you'd like, except you don't have to send it into a newspaper, wait 4 days for the mail, go through several different hands and editors, all for the slight chance your story actually gets chosen. 

I'll never use your real name (unless you specify that's alright), and I'll never guarantee that my advice will work, so don't try to sue me if it doesn't ;) DISCLAIMER, DISCLAIMER! I am NOT a psychologist. But I am free, and you don't have to come lay on my couch every time you've got an issue. 

So let's here it! How can I help???