It occurs to me, while I sit and ponder the various changes that I would like my life to make, that I should, in fact, try making those changes, rather than waiting for them to happen upon me, as I live the life I have actually chosen.
But change is hard. Incredibly, frighteningly, near impossibly hard. Especially the changes I am pondering. I am not pondering a change of hair style (well, that's not entirely true... I would love to have back the hair I so recently chopped off ;)); I'm not pondering whether I should get a mani or a pedi (I've also recently given myself both). The changes I am pondering come with far greater risk (and thus a far higher possibility of reward), and far more drastic a change.
And I am not alone in these ponderous ponderings. Some of those among us ponder for but a moment, before leaping head-first into the abyss of the unknown results. Others, like myself, stand teetering on the verge of uncertainty, hoping someone might just tip us in or pull us back, thus saving us from actually having to make the decision for ourselves. If it's someone else's fault, we can hardly be blamed for the outcome, should we fail, right? Then again, would it be our triumph should we succeed?
So, I teeter. And I sway. And I hope to goodness I don't accidentally fall in before I'm ready, knowing full well that no one is ever ready, and that I wait simply out of fear, rather than for lack of preparation.
Excuses are the devil's playground. I swear it makes him giggle every time we come up with an excuse for why we just cannot, under any circumstance, accomplish that certain goal. I am the queen of excuses. Does that make me the devil's mistress? Well, then so be it, because I'm full of 'em ;p "I'm too chubby to go to the gym." "I can't work and go to school at the same time, it's impossible! And I certainly can't go to school and NOT work, so there! I guess I just can't go back to school!" "I just can't afford to pack up my cats and my car (and my boyfriend, not to mention) and move to Italy. It's insane! And all of my friends and family are here. Somewhere. And what would I do about a job? And I don't know Italian. Also, I'm American. They'll all hate me."
Yep. That's right. I can't move to Italy because I'm an American. And far too out of shape to be seen at the gym. That's just the way it works, or didn't you know?
So, due to the unlimited number of excuses we can all come up with to not do something, we sit in the bathtub of never-changing, and rather murky, circumstances, hoping some day, someone comes along and yanks out the stopper. At which point, of course, we will wait until the water drains out completely, our rubber ducky sits dejectedly on its side in the leftover froth of bubble bath, and our pruney bodies start to shiver slightly, before we will actually shout, "Alright! Fine! I'll get out of the tub already!" to whomever might still be listening. It will take that much just to get us out of the tub... So imagine how much it will take for us to go back to school? Or move to our dream destination? Or pack up our life, just to simply shift it to a slightly different location?
But without these choices, without these forced plug-pullings, we rarely make such dramatic changes in our lives. And I could ask someone to pull the plug already, and allow this stagnant water to drain away so I can get out of the tub, but which tub am I hoping to get out of? Which one am I hoping to then be moved to???
Maybe I'll get brave and pull it myself, one of these days ;) And if any of my oh-so-faithful followers need a nudge, I'll be happy to give you that much-needed push toward completing your goals, rather than edge toward my own scary destinations ;D
Failure is just another word for "lesson".
I like the tub metaphor :)
ReplyDeleteI'm one of those people who tends to get out of the tub before the water has cooled though, missing all sorts of comfy warm soaking time because the slow cooling makes me a bit uneasy (yes, that was a metaphor too)
Cindy -
ReplyDeleteHot Feet. A common issue ;) We all have our individual and unique issues in our approaches to the world. Jumping from goal to goal, or plan to plan is just another in the myriad ways we make our lives more difficult, though interesting, than they would have been otherwise. Being able to stick with a plan until it has run cold is tough, but can be as equally rewarding as jumping into the tub, even though it's a bit hotter than you're used to.
Much luck with sticking with your current tub of water! :)